i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
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Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
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There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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