I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
