OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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