some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
