I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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