You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
