It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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