I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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