her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
