theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize