you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He passed out mid-signature
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
