i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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