I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
