theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
