Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
