Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
