I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
