i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
