Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
