Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
