Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
