Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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