Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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