Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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