Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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