i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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