what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sext me about skeletons
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
