then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
