Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
