I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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