I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
