There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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