I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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