Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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