The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
