Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
