I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i drank out of a bidet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize