I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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