so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
