mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
