she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
