After last night, I could never be a politician.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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