ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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