sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
