if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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