I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
and you fell through a lawn chair
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
