I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
