our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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