I smell stomach acid.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
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