dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
