I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
