..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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