Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
accomplished twins. life is a go
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
