My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
