there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
