Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
