"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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