Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize