my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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