One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
