is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
